i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
