idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
