I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
