What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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