it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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