He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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