i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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