She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
