Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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