He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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