I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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