If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
