The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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