Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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