you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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