shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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