i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
