hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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