Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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