So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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