And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
