That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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