I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
