Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
