In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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