I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize