I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
