Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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