Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
