I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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