honey bunches of taint.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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