Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
