it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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