I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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