I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
