My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
