He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
