Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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