is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
