white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is Oprah even human
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
