i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
