Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
