okay pat passed out under dana's car
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
