last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
