nut hugger
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
