so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
