no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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