went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
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Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila