i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.