Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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