I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend