do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.