btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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