your thong is hanging out like whoa
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
