my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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