You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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