It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
