No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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