The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
