using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
