so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
