why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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