wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
