The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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