You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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