Pants 0. Shit 1.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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