You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
