Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
